My best man speech

My brother Jonathan is getting married in 9 days and I am honored to be his best man. I assume I will get to give a best man speech. I have literally been writing his best man speech in my head for 3 years and am a little worried that I have too much material. I will have to make it a manageable length, which will be a challenge. The other challenge is making sure the speech lives up to the grandeur in my own mind. I'm mildly terrified that I will screw the whole thing up by swearing or stuttering. Hopefully I make it through unscathed. In putting together my thoughts, I did discover that there are whole websites dedicated to writing best man speeches. Most of the ideas are the worst. It is basically a Mad Lib, where you just select some physical traits and a few habits and it spits a speech. Super lame. Some of the jokes are so bad I cannot even re-type them. Worst part is they will charge you for the material. I am half tempted to pay for a speech and practice it in front on some select family members to see the horrified reactions I would get. I could act like I had no sense that the speech was terrible, then act all butt hurt that they didn't like it. It will be the greatest. If you are not entertained by this post, blame Jessica, as usual. I was going to publish the ongoing list of things that I have recently said are the best and the worst. Jess has been secretly writing down the various things upon which I heap praise and shame. The list is pretty amazing so far. But sadly, she won't share a copy with me. Please send her emails about this. She needs to know this is not acceptable behavior. Until next time...