And best bad movie of all time is...

1. Road House

Absurd leading man: I've got 2 words for you: Pat F'ing Swayze.
Let's go through the checklist to make sure he qualifies.

Shirtless tai chi? Check.
Impervious to pain? Check and Check.
Suave with the ladies? You bet.
Fashionable? What do you think?
Able to rip out a man's throat? Check mate!
Swayze was truly one of the greats. It's really a shame that he is more well know for chick flicks like Ghost and Dirty Dancing than he is for Road House and Point Break.

Meaningless conflict: I really shouldn't have to explain the plot of Road House because you all should have seen it dozen of times, but just in case I will explain. Swayze plays Dalton, who is the best cooler in the business. He is so good that everyone in any bar he goes to knows him. This picture was pre-Internet, so you have to figure that Dalton was pretty sweet to earn that reputation. Anyway, he gets hired to clean up the Double Deuce, which is the most out of control bar in the country, despite being in a small town. One problem, the evil Brad Wesley. He's busy shaking down all the businesses in town and isn't to happy with Dalton cleaning up his henchmen. Obviously shaking down legitimate businesses is not cool, but the death count in this movie does not justify the stakes. The final scene features the death of Wesley and all his henchmen with absolutely no consequences for Dalton, even though he just killed a half dozen people. Just absurd and wonderful to watch.

Needlessly intense villian: Ah, the immortal Brad Wesley. He flies his helicopter around, taunts Dalton with the best pool party since Dirk Digler met Chest Rockwell, then tops it all by demanding that his girlfriend strip in public at the Double Deuce. And, while not directly addressed, it appears that he had a thing with Dalton's love Doc. He's always giving Dalton the "I nailed your lady before you were around" look. Not cool Brad. He hits all the bad guy trademarks. He overdresses for everything, is surrounded by lackeys, has no respect for authority and feels some strange kinship with Dalton and wants to be his pal. As soon as Dalton refuses, it is on and you know someone is going to die.

Takes itself seriously: You bet your ass this is a serious movie. It's Swayze and Sam Elliot dispensing justice and trying to clean up the streets. What could be more serious. It's also a tale of a man who performs his job at the highest level imaginable. He's widely held as the best cooler in the business, but he remains humble enough to say that Wade Garrett is the best. Based upon that, we know he's a man of impecable character as well as fists of steel.

Final Verdict: There's a reason that this movie is on 5 times a day. It's entertaining, bizarre, hilarious, has something for the ladies as well as the men, quotable and just down right amazing. I cannot imagine a more perfect bad movie.

Any ideas for my next list? Otherwise I will tell boring stories about my child's impending birth. No one wants to hear that.

Until next time, Mahalo!