Recent Movie Review

Jessica and I decided to go to the movies this weekend. We did not choice wisely. We opted for the 5:15 showing of "The Goods." Mistake No. 1.
Mistake No. 2 was arriving far too early for the movie. Instead of sitting in the theater, I recommended that we sneak into a nearby theater to enjoy part of another movie while we waited. Now sneaking into the movie by itself isn't a mistake, but the movie we chose certainly was. We went into "The Ugly Truth." Holy crap, it's awful. But in a weird way it is Carolla related since the star of the pile of crap, Gerard Butler, visited Carolla's radio show to prepare for his role. He sure didn't absorb any comedy while he was there because the only funny moment that we saw was when Katherine Heigel's character said, "Well, I guess the truth is ugly." Holy crappy pun. All hell broke loose when I started to laugh uncontrollably. Jessica has never been more embarrassed by me then she was in that moment. She told me that the rest of the theater had invested 90 minutes with the movie and I shouldn't be an ass (her words) and laugh at it. I told her that if people were stupid enough to buy a ticket to the movie, they should expect people to come in midway through and goof on it. She said if I laughed one more time, she was going to make me get up. (While we are at it, please give me credit for resisting the many opportunities for puns that two terrible movies called "The Ugly Truth," and "The Goods" provide). The end of the movie was so predictable that I bet Jessica $10,000 what it would be 10 minutes before it happened, and I was right. Too bad that it was so obvious only a fool would have doubted what was about to happen.

"The Goods" is legitimately one of the 10 worst movies I've ever seen. Terrible writing, stupid story and an even worse Will Ferrell cameo. It is a mess of a movie and I honestly cannot imagine how it could have been worse. I like Jeremy Piven, but who does he think he is fooling with his hair plugs. Come on. The guy was bald when he was cast to play George on "Jerry", Seinfeld's show within a show. Here's proof.
I know none of you follow my advice when I tell you to listen to Journey and watch basketball games from 25 years ago, but please heed my warnings. Do not see "The Goods". Act as if "The Goods" is a mogwai and that seeing it is like feeding it after midnight.

Did you all click on that Journey video? Please tell me you did. It's truly magnificent. If you're still unsure, just know that Steve Perry has a scene where he shaves his mustache with the most disappointed look possible on his face. Enjoy!