How to be a hit at your Super Bowl party

This is usually a space used exclusively for wasteful and ultimately fruitless thoughts on subjects only interesting to me. Well today things change. Today I am going to give all of you a surefire way to be a hit at your upcoming Super Bowl party. The Super Bowl is the one time of year that everyone watches football, whether you are interested in the game or not. So inevitably the party is divided amongst people interested in football, people interested in commercials and people interested in getting really drunk. If people are allowed to stay in their desired camp and not interact, the party is no fun. The key is to get everyone involved. Now, you are asking, "How can I unite such divergent groups?" Simple; The magic of gambling.

I have seen this strategy work firsthand. I am married to a woman who has 0 interest in professional football. The week before our first Super Bowl together I told her stories about being in Vegas for the Super Bowl the year before and all the crazy bets they have in the sports books. Intrigued, she asked what stuff you could bet on. I went through the list: heads/tails on the coin toss, the length of the national anthem, what the first penalty will be, how many Bud Light commercials will be shown, etc. I didn't even have to break out the various cross sport bets available, such as Kobe Bryant points v. pass attempts for a QB and she was hooked. Our system is based upon imaginary dollars, say $1,000, which you can bet in any combination on the various bets. Jess and I had a dinner bet our first year, which see easily won. But it really was a win/win, since she didn't complain about me watching football, because she was really concerned with the number of eTrade commercials and if there was going to be a punt return touchdown. I have never seen her so invested in televised sports that didn't involve OU losing BCS games.

We went to a Super Bowl party at co-worker Amy's house last year and I introduced gambling to the party. It was a bigger hit than my actual presence. There was a legitimately tense moment prior to kick off because our friend Katie had put a huge bet on Sully doing the coin toss. So when he came out, the room exploded and Katie was sitting pretty to win big. At co-worker Amy's, the bets were all between significant other/spouses, but it works really well in a group setting. I would suggest having everyone throw in 10 bucks, use the imaginary money system, then highest score takes the pool. Can you imagine 20 people having a stake in whether the first penalty is pass interference or holding and whether Kim Kardashian is shown more than 3 and 1/2 times during the telecast? All attendees will pay attention the whole time. That is the beauty of the Super Bowl bets, nothing is off limits. Anything you can think of has odds, or some savvy gambler in your group can create odds for it. Plus, there will probably be someone at the party (ahem, a guy like me) with money on the game who will be open to making some side bets during the game to hedge his losses if things start going poorly. Find that poor sap (again, me) and take advantage of his love of gambling. Or if you are that gambler, find the guy that who is there solely to get really drunk. You should already have a bet on the number of beers he will drink (o/u 10.5; take the over), sit next to him, keep a beer in his hand to insure you win the over and then convince him to make crazy bets and take his money. Sure, that's probably an underhanded move, but gambling is a jungle and you have to make your money where you can.

If anyone is interested I have already created this year's spreadsheet of bets and will happily send it to you so you can impress your friends. My personal favorite bet is about the number of Peyton Manning commercials v. number of times Kim Kardashian is shown on camera. I am leaning toward Peyton crushing Kardashian, but if Reggie Bush does something spectacular, they will show her. Good luck with your wagers.

Until next time, Mahalo.