Thumbing my nose at Jessica

Jessica has been asking me to write my review of Fast 5. I refuse! Take that Jess. You aren't the boss of me. Plus, Carolla and Simmons already did a breakdown which was better than anything I could do. Just know this, it's a fantastic picture. It features many staples of bad action movies, including it being the last job for Vin and Paul. (Even though Fast 6 is coming soon).
So, instead I want to talk about my 2 favorite commercials. Every single time one of these comes on, I lose my mind. Jess has heard me rant about each no less than 50 times.
1. Certain-Dri: This one has been a fast climber for me. I seem to remember it airing years and years ago and its back. Thankfully.
I love literally everything about this commercial. First we have the blonde scutteze that just so happens to complain to the handsome gentleman about how much she is sweating. Has that ever happened? It is the most insane thing I've ever witnessed in a commercial. But good thing for her, he has the solution since he wears Certain Dri, which is the No. 1 doctor recommended antiperspirant. Then, this whole thing takes a turn. Instead of this attractive woman being horrified that this chap needs prescription strength deodorant, she's only interested in finding out if he is a doctor. Shouldn't she be running from this man, who apparently sweats so violently that no ordinary deodorant can keep him dry?
In news that will shock no one, once she finds out he is a doctor, her only reaction is to say "Very cool," then cozy up to him. And just when you think it can get no better, at the very end for no reason in particular, she says "cool" again after the tag. I have no idea why she does but I am certain that it cracks me up to no end.
After the commercial runs, I usually make a series of off color jokes about the sweaty doctor inviting the young girl up to his hotel room to have carnal relations on the special sheets he has to bring with him, since he will sweat straight through ordinary hotel sheets.

2. Hair Club: Now I'm certainly not breaking comedy ground by making fun of Hair Club for Men. But the part that is the funniest to me is something I've never heard anyone else talk about: Greg the musician. Watch the commercial and pause it at the 1:33 mark. That's our boy Greg. He gives his testimonial at 1:46. I die laughing every single time. That clown has the worst hair I've ever seen. It's the complete opposite of anything you would legitimately want in a hair cut, yet this cat couldn't be prouder. It's coiffed in a ridiculous fashion, highlighted and to put the cherry on the shit sundae, he rocks a soul patch. Just absurd.
The other thing that bothers me about the commercial are the brothers in it. I'm pretty sure it's not racist to say this: shouldn't the brothers just go with a bald head? Haven't we all agreed that is a good look? Especially if the alternative is spending a couple grand to get hair.

Now that you guys are aware of these commercials, make sure you keep a keen eye out for them. It will enrich your life.

In baby news: Most of you know that we aren't revealing our baby girl's name to the public prior to her arrival. But if you read this post closely, you'll find her name spelled out in the post. Good luck!

Until next time, Mahalo!