The Bachlorette Live Blog

Jess and I are watching The Bachlorette on DVR, so this isn't technically live, but I'm blogging anyway. Jessica thinks that no one needs to hear my running commentary live, but I disagree. And I'm sure at least 2 of you agree. This will probably remind Melissa of when we lived together and I gave her my running commentary on a regular basis. Jessica usually requests I be quiet. Please excuse the grammar and spelling errors, but if you are a frequent reader I imagine you are prepared for that.

We pick up with Ed's date:

8:55: Ed shorts. Holy crap. If he had any package it would be hanging out of those.
8:56: Ed sitting like a lady on the couch. Again, if he was working with even a bit of a unit it would be hanging out of those shorts. Ed may be gay.

8:58: Ed's dad apparently just shaves the middle of his mustache. It's an interesting look.
8:59: The humitity of Hawaii is not doing Jillian any favors.
8:59: Jillian in the confessional: ABC must be cutting their budget since the make up crew apparently did Jillian's make up in a wind tunnel and followed it up with a bad haircut.
9:00: Ed on the beach: His short shorts are creepy. His ass is hanging out of them. I think he stole those trunks from a 14 year old cheerleader.

Thankful for a commercial

9:01: Jillian's face continues to confound. Not her best night.
9:02: I'm pretty sure Ed is gay. He has a 1000 yard stare at all times. If not gay, for sure not attracted to her.
9:03: Ed's emotional speech did not include one look at Jillian. Not a great sign. The humidity is also not great for Ed's hair.
9:04: Wow, a bachlorette first: The guy has never felt this way. BS. Unless if by this way he means "falling for a horse face on national TV."
9:05: Ed's nervous because he is gay.
9:05: How has Jillian's boob not popped out. Magic tape?

9:06: The lights come back on. Uh oh. Ed's peen doesn't work. Could it be because he's gay and Jillian is not cute.

9:07: I just hope we don't have a deleted scene that reminds me of Boogie Nights with Ed trying to turn things around so to speak.

9:08: Jessica is trying to talk crap about Carolla saying he and Ed share a problem. I want to remind her that Ace masturbates constantly, but don't want to lose the bet.

9:09: Jillian recaps dates with Chris. Boring. Unneccesary. Simply a way to fill time.

9:09: I am asking Jessica to fast forward. She does not listen.

9:10: Hooray for Jessica. She fast forwarded for me.

9:11: Recap of Jillian's ultimatum to Reid. And she wonders why she's still single. The guy was honest and is not a loon who wants to get married to a chick he met on TV 4 weeks ago.

9:12: Poor Ed. Why must we recap his peen's inability to function. She's trying to make excuses for him. Sorry honey, he's just gay. It wasn't the pressure.

9:14: Special recaps from the boys. I'm not sure what they see in her. She goes from cute to gross in every other shot. These guys are so full of crap.

9:15: I want to be watching the Home Run Derby, but since I love Jessica I'm watching this.

9:16: Ed not helping himself by rocking white pants and a light blue coat to the elimination. One of the dudes gave him the side eye. That's my new fave.

9:17: Ed says he loves her. Is it because she looks like a man? Possibly.
9:17: 2 of the candid poses feature a guy with his hands on his own ass. I don't understand this show.

9:18: Back from commercial: I just want this to end quickly.
9:18: Ed's outfit makes me uncomfortable. I don't know why he thought that was a good plan. He needs a new stylist.

9:19: Honest moment: Jillian's dress would look much better if she wasn't built like an 11 year old boy. ABC needs to step it up and offer her enhancement surgery.

9:20: Jillian tells Ed he looks good. Canadians are nuts, no offense ACG.

9:21: Jillian is confused. She's wondering what happened to his peen. I'm now screaming "He's gay," at the TV. It's not helping.

9:23: Dramatic music. Kipton gets a rose. Just once I want to see one of the guy's refuse the rose. That would be sweet.

9:24: I can feel it going to Gay Ed.

9:24: Big Gay Ed for the win! I knew it. He should whisper that his peen is working right now... Wink, wink. Then give her a thumbs up.

9:25: Reid is gone. Down to a guy with a weird name and a gay one. Good times.
9:25: Poor Reid. He's doing an awesome job positioning himself as the next Bachelor.

9:26: He's apologizing for being normal. So stupid. She kept a dude cause he said he loved her even though he is quite clearly gay. And got rid of one that just didn't think falling in love on TV in 3 weeks was what he wanted.

9:27: Dramatic music. Jillian looks like she thinks she screwed up.

9:28: Jillian crying on the bench of solitude. Her crying in HD? You guessed it, not a good look.

9:29: If this show were an 80's movie Reid would be the misunderstood rich guy that breaks the poor girls heart but redeems himself at the end. I want the limo to turn around and make this a John Hughes ending.

9:30: She cries like this but thinks she loves the remaining guys? Weird.

9:30: Guy with weird name is just looking into space. Gay guy comes to comfort her. You can always count on the gay guys to be sensitive.

9:30: Stop the limo. It would have been an awesome moment.

9:31: Finally over. Thank goodness. I am really happy that we will finally get an update about Jason, who was the most boring, obnoxious dude ever on TV.

9:32: Unexpected confession: Ed reveals he's gay? You heard it here first.

Thanks for reading. I'm sure this gives you some insight on what Jessica puts up with nightly and makes you feel sorry for her.