I had two tough moments this holiday weekend. The first was Jessica's lame attempt at making me lose the bet by talking about Harry Seaward. If you are a faithful reader you already know about my penchant for repetition, so even though I'm sure I've written about this before I'm going to do it again anyway. Harry Seaward is Ace's favorite new joke name and a caller to the old radio show paged Harry in a casino. It was a hilarious moment and led to me naming my fantasy teams in Harry's honor. Well Jessica thought it would be funny to bring this up recently since she knows I can't stop laughing whenever it comes up. She starting begging me to tell her the origins of Harry Seaward. Told me that she could tell I wanted too and that I would feel so much better if I did. In the words of Charlie Murphy, Wrong. To make matters worse I wanted to talk about Ace's mission to have someone come up with a fake name using N-word. Well, the same visionary who had Harry Seaward paged called in to say he had Grady Enword paged at the same casino. It's not as good as Harry, but it's still solid.
The other moment happened in the middle of the lake when the song "We Be Jammin" came on the radio. Ace always rails against Bob Marley and his terrible songs. Bob may actually have the clubhouse lead over Hall and Oates and The Eagles in Ace's bad song department. (Quick tangent: My brother once confided in me that he thought Daryl Hall was the Mexican in Hall and Oates since he couldn't imagine a blonde headed guy named Daryl Hall. It always cracks me up thinking about that whenever "Maneater" comes on the radio.) Anyway, "We Be Jammin" came on and my first instinct was to discuss what a miserable song it was with Jessica and her parents. Thankfully I held it in. But seriously, that song does suck. I imagine the only way you could enjoy the experience of listening to it would be to get as high as the Marley was when he made it. In the same rant Ace also mentioned how confusing the song "I Shot The Sheriff" was. He couldn't figure out if both the sheriff and the deputy were dead. If there were other casualties? I am not sure he was serious about it, since as best I can tell the song describes this scenario: Sheriff shoots deputy over some dispute, man happens upon scene, sheriff is going to kill man for seeing said scene and man shoots sheriff in self-defense. Hopefully Ace was going for comedic effort and not genuinely confused. If you were going to deconstruct song lyrics for meaning, I'm guessing "I Shot The Sheriff" is pretty high on the ease of understanding list, probably between "The Humpty Dance" and "She's Like the Wind."
I am a little disappointed about how much you all enjoyed "Jessica's" post. Several people told me it was the funniest entry that has ever appeared on this site. My fragile ego cannot handle this type of talk. Co-worker Amy led the charge and that is why she will remain co-worker Amy. Fiancee Jessica also said it was funnier than my usual nonsense, which is why she may soon no longer be fiancee Jessica.
One final note, my copy of The State came today and Jessica doesn't think it's funny. She would have you believe that this isn't funny? Or this? My heart cannot take this nonsense. Can I buy her a sense of humor on Ebay?
Only 12 days until I win the bet. Does that mean the end of the blog? We shall see. Until next time, Mahalo.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
Posts
Yes, its true, soon Jessica will not be fiance Jessica, she will be wife Jessica. I do pray that there is something in this world that you guys both like! Its interesting that you obviously like each other but don't like what each other likes. I'm confused.
ReplyDeleteWe agree on the important stuff, like that Izzy is the best dog ever and that I'm a wonderful person.
ReplyDeleteThis is the real Melissa--not sure which imposter posted the comment above. Sounds like Mom though...I'm probably still signed in on her computer. Real Melissa is usually sound asleep by 10 pm
ReplyDeleteReal challenged Mom here to admit to posting the above. I really didn't mean to pose as an impostor but I cannot figure out how to get my identity back but until I do I'm sure that no one will mistake my rambling observations with Melissa's pithy repartee.
ReplyDeleteI'm also still confused about the true identity of the author of "Setting the record straight", was it or was it not Jessica. Doesn't seem likely that Gregg would be self-deprecating, also not likely that Jess would be dissing him. I'm guessing that Gregg wrote it.
I'd like a chance to respond to both questions. 1-Gregg wrote the post, not me. It is true he has offered me a guest post, but I'm not clever enough to compete, so he had to take matters into his own hands. Like I commented, I'm not offended since it's pretty on target. Not too sure why he's upset people say it's the funniest post yet...since it's technically a compliment.
ReplyDelete2-I think it's much more entertaining for Gregg to talk up the differences in interests, otherwise I'm afraid this blog would be lacking in substance. Your comment did spark a conversation to make sure you weren't entirely correct in your observation, so here's the top 5 we came up with, in no particular order and after only about 2 minutes:
1-We both hate mustard. REALLY hate it. Our kids will not understand what that horrifying yellow stuff is until they go to their first day of school.
2-There's nothing that makes you smile quite like Journey.
3-Izzy really is the greatest dog ever...and we might talk to her like she understands us.
4-Homemade warm, yellow cake with chocolate frosting is the best.
5-Gregg's the luckiest man in the world that he's ending up with me.
You really must have mustard on hand to take care of burns. I hate it too! Hate the smell but it works on burns!! I hate all condiments!
ReplyDeleteBetter go back to the drawing board on that top 5. Start with #5 and go from there.
stfu idiot
ReplyDelete