Gooooood Morning, Welcome to Starbucks...

Am I the only one that can't stand the condescending Starbucks baristas? Now any faithful reader will certainly questions whether or not this is a faithful representation of what happened given my tendancy to exagerrate, but I promise it is a close as I can remember.
Scene: Gregg pulls into drive thru at Starbucks:
Starbucks Smug Ass Employee (SSAE): Goooood Mooorningggg, and welcome to Starbucks on this finnnne morning. Can I get you a (something that sounded gross and I wasn't paying attention) started?
G: No thanks, I'll just have (the drink I ordered; some things must remain private).
SSAE: Cannn I offer you an extra shot of espresso in that to put in extra pep in your step this mooorningggg?
G: No thanks.
SSAE: Wellll, unless I can offer you something to eat, your total is $4.74, I'll seee you at the window. (and mind you all of this is dripping with sarcasm to the point that I feel uncomfortable as a customer).

Are all of them like this? Is there a corporate mandate to be assey to customers? Either way, not a fan. If I'm paying five bucks for my coffee, I just want the coffee. I don't need the guy making me feel like a jerk or trying to amuse himself with all his other buddies in the store. Plus every single jerky in there has the most obvious and played out "personalities." Yeah, real edgy and cool to have the exact same tattoo, haircut and piercings as all the other douchers you work with. Stop trying to cultivate a personality and pour my drink.

Enough ranting about Starbucks, on to some good stuff. None other than David Cross was on Ace's podcast. As we've covered in previous installments, Jessica hates David Cross. Jessica's taste in comedy is the only thing wrong with her. She was making fun of me the other day for my love of the movie "The Cable Guy." I don't care what anyone says, it's hilarious. Any movie where Matt Broderick tries to play a straight guy is the highest of comedy. Jess also can't remember any details of the Big Lebowski (thus never laughs when I tell her she is out of her element or that fill in the blank isn't Nam, there are rules), doesn't laugh at Fletch and can't comprehend why I think Monty Python and The Holy Grail is the funniest movie ever. So yeah, her taste in comedy is not to be trusted.

The best part of the Cross podcast was Ace ranting about LA Mayor Antonio Villaraigosa (born Antonio Ramon Villar, Jr.). Any Ace fan knows that Ace hates Villaraigosa and constantly refers to him as Villa-Retardo. Ace covered his usual reasons for why he hates Villaraigosa including that he combined his last name with his wife's, his terrible legislation and his predilection for humping Telemundo reporters that aren't his wife. The humping Telemundo reporters is always my favorite. But today he brought up something I didn't know before. Villa-Retardo also attended an unaccredited law school in California and failed the bar 4 times. It is embarrasing that the mayor of the second biggest city in the US couldn't pass the bar, even after 4 attempts. I guess he gave up his quest after 4. Just for comedy's sake he should go for No. 5. They can run TV ads encouraging him and everything. David Cross was legitimately horrified by his failing 4 times and wondered why they let you take the test that many times and suggested that after 3 failures they just hand you a DMV job application. Ace took it one hilarious step further and suggested the test proctor comes over to you after your 3rd failure, breaks your No. 2 pencil across his knee, then sends you on the walk of shame out of the room. I really like that plan. I will admit that the bar passage rate in California is only 50%, but good night, after 4 times you should figure it out. My sister Melissa helped me and my sister study for the bar and I'm confident if you gave her another week of study she could pass and she didn't go to law school.

Since I haven't included any links yet, here you go: And no worries, it's not a Journey video this time.