We all danced.... Kade Style

Happy Monday everyone. I had several notable Carolla moments with Jessica this weekend. We were traveling to Boston for my cousin's wedding. (Big shout out to Scotty and Laura). Actually, I already gave them a shout out at a townie bar after the wedding. Too bad they weren't there yet. I gave an inspired speech anyway as a ridiculous DJ gave me the stink eye. When I first asked if I could give a shout out he told me that he wasn't a DJ, he was an entertainer and he didn't do that. 5 minutes later he changed his mind and granted me access to the stage, and yes it was actually a stage. Since I didn't think he would look kindly on a postponement I soldiered on. Did I mention the entertainer was wearing a pink ruffled shirt and custom bell bottoms with special pink flaps on the bottom. And he played actual records. It was an outstanding time.

I really wanted to have a nice Carolla moment with Jess as we were waiting for our flight back to Oklahoma City. There were several people pressing forward to board the plane and Jess turned to me to remark how dumb it was for people to want to get on the plane so early when it doesn't leave until we are all there. One of my favorite Carolla rants is when he yells about first class travel. His complaint is that they let you on the plane early and every person that passes gives you a disgusted look as they board. In return the airline gives you nothing. I always laugh when Ace says all he wants is 2 dollars worth of booze while he waits, but of course that is against the rules.

My other thought whenever I fly deals with the emergency exit row. My friend Dusty and I once had a very long, very disturbing conversation about the emergency exit row and how we always think about what would happen if we decided to open the exit door in the middle of the flight (sort of like how every guy thinks about taking the gun from every cop they see). Seriously, is there some mechanism to protect the plane from that happening? I think I should make an invention to prevent it, sort of like how airbags only operate with a certain impact. Or at least be part of the screening process for the exit row seats. Maniacs like me do not belong. On the last leg of our flight Jess and I had separate seats and mine was in the exit row. I am pretty sure she was worried for 1 hour and 49 minutes that I was going to try to open the door. I'm sure I would get arrested for that and I wouldn't do well in prison, so I refrained.

Speaking of getting arrested, I have been thinking about this a lot lately. Jess and I went to the Museum of Fine Art in Boston and all I could think about was taking a whiz on a Monet. My theory is that I would get less jail time for getting drunk and killing a kid with my car than I would for peeing on a priceless work of art. I think that is a sad commentary on our society. Actually it is probably a sadder commentary on me that I spend so much time on this type of frivolity.

Now to the wedding: Since I am obsessed with Philly's most elite social phenom Arthur Kade, I decided to try my best Kade impression on the wedding dance floor. It did not end well. Gregg style is not nearly as wonderful as Kade Style. At least we both have sweet hats (mine was stolen) and can make the super douche face (mine obviously as a joke). Jessica was worried the man whose hat I stole was going to try to fight me. Even in my drunken state I knew the man was a coward and if I learned anything in the Big Lebowski it was that I need not fear cowards. Thankfully the reception wasn't all me acting like a giant douche, stupid hand gestures and potential ass beatings. There was also singing on the dance floor. Faithful readers should have a good idea of what song could inspire such passionate singing. Yup, you guessed it.

Last thing for the day: Today Ace made a statement that just killed me. He described a guy as being good lenses in a bad frame, meaning he was smart but so unfocused he was couldn't be taken seriously. It is just a perfect way to describe things. I think it might go down in the pantheon of awesome ways to describe girls to your buddies (if you are the kind of sexist dude that is inclined to that type of behavior; good from far, but far from good being my personal favorite), as in, you go on a date with a girl with a good looking face and a weird shaped body: tell your buddies good lenses, bad frame. Once in law school my friend Joe asked my buddy Ron what he thought of a girl Joe was talking to. Ron's reaction was that she was a 6 and 1/2, but then he paused and said "Nah, 6." And a little piece of Joe died.

Remember, tell your friends about this blog and let's keep annoying Jessica together.