The First Week (Day 7)

Faithful readers, you have an unlikely source to thank for today's message: Jessica herself. She revealed the clamoring from the comments section about the lack of posting. Part of the reason for the delay was Jamie Kennedy being a guest on the podcast last week. Holy crap, he was terrible. Unfunny, not interesting and generally unlistenable. Ace did what he could to salvage the conversation, but it was almost as bad as having Strasser back. Thankfully Greg Fitzsimmons was on today and returned the show to form. Speaking of Fitzsimmons', everyone who reads this should also be listening to William Fitzsimmons. As that song proves, he is amazing. Now go buy one of his albums. I'll wait....

Good to have you back. The first week is now over. I made it without incident and feel stronger than ever. It has been liberating to be able to have conversations with Jessica without talking about Carolla. At first I had to guard what I was saying, but now it isn't an issue. Fear not, dear ones, I am not growing cocky nor complacent. I am just a man in the prime of his life with the resolve of a champion. Jessica seems like she has never been happier. I guess that is what happens with a week without rage or a grown man recounting another grown man's masturbation stories. I really have no other thoughts about Ace this week. While I am acutely aware that this is supposed to be about Ace and not my random thoughts, I have nothing left to add about Ace. Instead you will read about other random nonsense. Deal with it.

On Sunday, Carolina beat those floor slapping pansies from Duke. As is the duty of all good Americans, I hate Duke with the furry of an army of 100,000 men. I simply do not trust anyone who cheers for Duke. As has been memorably said about cheering for the Yankees, cheering for Duke is like rooting for the house in blackjack. This point was driven home by the recent HBO documentary about the Duke/UNC rivalry. I will never forget Eric Montross shooting free throws with blood running down his head (pre-aids awareness, so you could do that), or Tyler Hansbrough having his face broken by that douchebag Gerald Henderson, but the worst moment in basketball history was when Coach K said "F*** You Dean!" in the middle of a game. How dare he. Anyone who can still support Duke is obviously a bad person. This pretty much sums up everything you need to know about Duke.

I also watched two SNL specials, one with game shows, the other with commercials. It was miserable. How in the world can they play a game show special and not include "Geek, Dweeb or Spazz." That is borderline criminal. I was looking forward to seeing Emilo Estevez act like a tough guy.

I have been thinking of a way to annoy Jessica through the majesty of Carolla. I am thinking that we may have to send her emails at the exact same time with our favorite Carolla clips. Leave me your thoughts in the comments.

Well, I have certainly wasted enough of your time today. Until next time, Mahalo!