Close call...

Readers, we had a close one today. Jessica and I were watching TV when a preview for "Fast and Furious" (not to be confused with THE Fast and THE Furious) came on TV. Obviouisly we are excited for Vin Diesel and Paul Walker to be reunited, since the cinema has not seen chemistry like that since Swayze and Reeves. They showed Jordana Brewster in the trailer, which reminded me of an interview I heard with her on Carolla's old radio show. She said in the interview that she:
1. Doesn't know how to drive a stick
2. Doesn't remember how the first movie ended, and
3. Doesn't know what the story of the new movie is.

Think about that for a second. She is in a movie that costs tens of millions of dollars and has no clue what happens. Imagine if you showed up to work and did your job and had literally no idea what you just did. You would be fired immediately right? Well, maybe not...
ANYWAY, I almost let this slip in our ensuing discussion of the new movie. Thankfully I kept it inside. I also wanted to talk to her about Carolla's theory that Vin Diesel is only in movies because of his name. Hold the phone, you mean this guy can't act? That is just crazy talk. I'm sure Jessica is upset about this bet now since she missed out on me talking for 15 minutes about how Vin Diesel will never be as good as Seagal, followed by me "proving" my theory by making her watch "Out for Justice."

I think I have come up with another theory that I think is genius. During lunch I saw Sean Penn on a magazine and went on and on about how despicable it is that there are rumors that he has seduced Natalie Portman. That really hurts. Dear, sweet Natalie should not be with douchers like Penn. This led me to tell my friend Katie about how much I despise Sean Penn, etc, etc. She told me about her husbands crush on Jennifer Garner, which leads to my new theory. If your significant other has a celebrity crush, isn't it better for that person to look something like you? With Portman, she and Jessica have similar hair color, skin color, although one is Jewish and the other is not. (Jessica will think that is funny). With Katie and Jen Garner same thing. (sidenote: Speaking of Jen Garner, that reminds me of my now departed co-worker Lawrence. Lawrence really liked Jen Garner. His wife did not. So, being a respectful co-worker, I signed him up for every Jen Garner fan site on the internet.). I think I would find it distressing if Jessica told me her celebrity crush was Jackie Chan or something. Not only is he a short Asian man, he is not very handsome. I guess that would still be better than her liking a young Ron Howard. But I think what everyone should really be looking for is something between Brad Pitt and Jackie Chan. Pitt is unattainable, Chan is creepy. This theory does present a problem for me. My combination of features is not very handsome and a case can be made it is close to Conan O'Brien. Not exactly high praise. So Jessica is in a no win situation. If she says her crush is someone that looks like me, she has tacitly said I am not good looking. If she picks someone handsome she makes me insecure. I will update you on which way she decides to crush me.

My Tar Heels are in the Final Four. Let's hope they perform better than last year. I am going to watch the game, then see William Fitzsimmons directly afterwords. My head very well might explode from too much excitement. In that case, Jessica must pay Melissa the $1000 since she was the inspiration for the blog and Jessica didn't have the foresight to write a death clause into our contract.
Until next time, Mahalo!