Actual Carolla talk

I know this blog has been very light on actual Carolla talk lately, which is odd considering the whole point of this blog is to praise Carolla. As far as I can tell, no one has missed my musings on Carolla, but here are some new ones. I had ample time to enjoy Carolla as I was driving to and from Tulsa twice this week. Here is the list of things I wanted to discuss with Jessica:

1. Adam talking about a lead singer of a band named Lee Ving. It never occurred Adam that it was a play on words for "leaving." Anyone who knows me well, knows that I have a similar ridiculous story. I was in Denver about 7 years ago and drove past an IHOP and it I realized that IHOP stood for International House of Pancakes. I know I am a moron for that never having occurred to me before.

2. Adam referred to himself as "The Chuck Norris of Beef" because he won't leave any beef uneaten on his plate. Except for one time when he was in Texas and had some terrible BBQ at place on his way to a show. I mean, how hilarious is that? Even Jessica would have to admit that is funny, considering how much she loves Chuck Norris facts. (My personal favorite is that Chuck Norris once visited the Virgin Islands, but now they are just called the Islands).

3. Rock of Love Bus: Adam talked extensively about Bret Michaels and his unending love of all things rock. As anyone who has ever seen Mr. Michaels in action knows, he speaks of his love of rocking at all times. Unfortunately, any who has ever seen Mr. Michaels in action also knows that his version of rocking only involves cowboy hats, uncomfortably tight jeans and all the rock cliques you can handle. But the show really is pretty amazing. I am not sure why they find 20 women who want to make out with Michaels and I am pretty sure I don't want to know. I also don't want to know how they convince them that Michaels playing at a state fair in North Dakota at 2:30 on a Wednesday is living the rock and roll lifestyle. It is just a sad a pathetic lifestyle. I keep waiting for one of the rejected skanks to pull off his bandana and let the world see what his wig is hiding. But I do give Michaels props for stying the extensions in different ways, including my personal favorite, the single braid. (Readers note: I am not doing any links today because I am lazy and I am pretty sure that none of you click them anyway).

4. Ace talking about how he should have kissed up to Josh Brolin when he had the chance. Ace and Brolin were both doing a celebrity race in 2003 and Brolin wanted to have a beer with Ace after, but he blew him off. Now that Brolin is Oscar nominated and been in lots of critically acclaimed movies. Ace unfortunately still considered Brolin to just be the guy that was in Goonies. Big mistake.

5. Ace interviewed Danica Patrick, which was great for one very underrated reason: Ace has long held that female athletes are pushed on sports fans as being hot, even though they really cute at best. He once said that if you put Heidi Klum next to Danica Patrick you would never stop vomiting. He is completely right.

6. In the Jimmy Pardo episode he had some great thoughts about "To Catch a Predator", which was an amazing series. Carolla's point was that these dudes always show up looking like hell, even though they think they are about to have sex with a 15 year old. He's right: you think those guys would shave the creepy 'stache, lose the mullet and put on a clean t-shirt. But it is always the same story, they knock on the door, the girl invites them in and tells them to make themselves at home since she is finishing up the laundry. The dude just starts eating cookies and drinking tea in the living room waiting for the girl, with his backpack full of lube and 72 condoms. Most importantly, Ace wonders what in the world these guys are thinking lugging the 72 condoms around when they are in the 15 year old's house. Best case scenario they could expect a few hours alone with the girl, yet they come prepared for a week long orgy with the girl and 20 of her friends.

7. Ace continued on his plan to trick the Catch a Predator people. His plan is truly inspired, he would order a pizza and wait in a secret location to see what happened to the pizza guy. If nothing happens to him and its not a set up, you can have pizza with the 15 year old you came to see. If it is a set up, you can escape while the police needlessly tackle the pizza guy. He also would have some test phrases in the chats they always reference. His point is a solid one: if you started talking about the Jonas Brothers the girl should be into it. But once you say some filthy sexual thing to her and she reacts like she's into, it's a trap.

8. Ace made an appearance on Bill Simmons podcast, which is always a treat for me. Today's main topic was the new "Fast and Furious" movie, which seems to have exceeded Ace and Bill's hope for a enjoyably bad action movie. Ace had me laughing out loud at the gym when he was talking about Jordana Brewster's terrible performance by saying that when your acting is so bad as to be noteworthy in a film featuring Paul Walker and Vin Diesel, you have truly outdone yourself. He also said it was the type of movie that people will kick your seat in the theater if you aren't talking and making jokes throughout it. I saw we organize a group trip to see the movie. Who's with me? (We will probably have to limit this to the first 200 responders since we don't want to overwhelm the theater by having all my readers show up at once).

I hope that this entry has made up for my lack of posting lately. I have started keeping better notes about things because I listen to the podcast then completely forget what I wanted to say. But now I have post it notes in my car and desk drawer that will hopefully provide minutes upon minutes of entertainment to you all. Until next time, Mahalo!