You have my insomnia to thank for this entry. My original intention was to write this at 3 in the morning since I couldn't sleep. I eventually went to bed without writing anything, but I did take a bunch of notes for things to write. If I knew how to use a computer, I would have posted the piece of paper I wrote all this down on.
Jessica and I went to Dallas to see Dave Matthews this weekend. It was a great show, even though it rained most of the night. The most amazing thing was that we had reserved seats that theoretically should have been covered. One small problem was that we were literally one row away from being covered. It was terrible. The question I came up with during the concert was this: Is Dave Matthews a huge douche? I ask this because his fans certainly are. I am not sure what responsibility lies with Dave for this phenomenon but something must be done. Please vote and let your voice be heard. I am leaning toward giving him a provisional "Not a Douche" but it could go either way. I don't think it is his fault that a bunch of dorks think it is awesome to play acoustic guitar for the ladies.
The second thing was all the douchers who listen to Dave in the parking lot right before the show. That absolutely drives me insane. Can they not wait for the show? Do they have to let people know that they like Dave, even though we are all going to see him? I wouldn't watch old Carolina games in the parking lot before a game. I don't eat Mexican food in the parking lot of Chipotle before I get my burrito. So why would I listen to the band I am about to see. Jessica and I had a disagreement about this and I cannot see that I am wrong.
The strange cousin to the "listen in parking lot guy" is the "wear the t shirt of the band I am going to see guy." I think this person is just as bad. Hey buddy, I get it. You went to see Dave in 1999 before anyone else had ever heard of him and you are proving it by wearing the concert t-shirt. I assure you we are all duly impressed. Impressed that you are such a huge douche. I even saw some people wearing the current concert shirt at the show. This is madness and this must be stopped. Why doesn't everyone heed the advice of strangely bald Jeremy Piven in PCU. (pertinent part starts at 1:49).
The last thing I wrote down was my annoyance with all the Facebook narcissists. Much like the parking lot guy and the t-shirt guy, they feel the need to let you know everything about them, every 5 seconds. I am not at all interested in your 5 favorite movies, which Twilight character you are, or who some liar said you looked like whilst secretly trying to seduce you. I know, this blog is the height of narcissism. I understand that. But bear with me. I am using this as a creative outlet to annoy Jessica, which is a pretty noble goal, so I think that merits a pass. I trust that you will agree, since you are reading. ANYWAY, those people bug me. If you feel the need to update your status every 6 minutes, at least make it funny. No more, "Bill is laying on the couch..." or "Sue had chicken for dinner." Be creative and strange. Put things that couldn't possibly be true just to see if your friends really care. Try, "Pete just found out it wasn't herpes", or "Amanda thinks the coke I just snorted was really just baking soda. Bummer. Back to the kids." Readers, you are more clever than I and I trust you will be funnier.
On our road trip I was obviously foreclosed from speaking of Ace. There was one time that I really wanted to. We stopped for gas early in the morning that was right next to an open BBQ place. Jess inquired about what maniac could possibly want BBQ that early. It reminded me of Ace talking about a great BBQ place in LA and how he got there early one day and saw a fat guy waiting to get in. His point was that if you are heavy, you shouldn't show up to the joint at 10:45 if they open at 11. Just wait until 12 and blend into the crowd. I agree with Ace on that. If you are a really big guy, you don't want to be seen loading up at the buffet or walking out of the doughnut place with a box. You should be more secretive about your eating. This applies to other situations as well. Anytime you are the opposite of where you are going, just try to blend in. From my life the best example of this is all the people in law school that talk all the time and ask dumb questions. If you are an idiot, it's ok, just pretend you aren't and don't talk. I will never understand calling unnecessary attention to your shortcomings like that.
Sorry for the lack of awesome videos. I know that really upsets a few of you. Hopefully this makes up for it.
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I have a similar issue with people who wear t-shirts with the name of their vacation destination while they are still there. Wait until you get home--nobody is impressed here...we are all here too.
ReplyDeleteAhhh, the People's Eyebrow! I love it!
ReplyDeleteDidn't you go to a DMB concert with Pete F. in '97 or '98? Maybe it was Bela Fleck; I just remember a long, bizarre story that involved you two sneaking over a wall and eventually showering together.
ReplyDeleteNow that I think about it, it wasn't you. It was Tom and you were just there making fun of him with us after the fact. Which fits with your post even better.
ReplyDeleteI appreciate you correcting yourself. The story involved Tom and Pete wading through a river, then eluding some RA in the shower together. I would have much rather gotten caught then get in the shower with Pete.
ReplyDeleteHi! Humorously enough, I was just googling the question "Is Dave Matthews a douche?" and it brought me here. I, too, am confused whether he actually is or if I'm mistakening him with most of his fans. Guess we'll see when polling's over? :P
ReplyDeleteP.S. Adam Carolla IS a douche, but a really funny douche. I miss him on Loveline.
Kymba, I hope you voted. We will see what the poll reveals.
ReplyDeleteAnd how dare you! Calling Ace a douche? I am sure you will get many angry emails from both my readers. Don't say I didn't warn you.
Not to discredit your post - but I remember the two of us listening to Dave in the car when we went to Dallas to see him two nights in a row at that time the "Starplex Ampitheater". The same trip when we tried to get into Dave and Busters and the midget at the door wouldnt let me in because you were not old enough to be my guardian yet - 24 was the golden age you had to be and you were 23. Also the same trip where i jumped out of a platform 200 feet off the ground.
ReplyDeleteOn another note - we did successfully name the first 4 or 5 songs he would open with the first night while we were in the car waiting on the gates to open.
Good Times