The Ultimate Showdown (With special amendment)

I have been calling for an answer to this question for years. I have submitted it to Bill Simmons at least 5 times with no response and now I will take care of it. Simmons has explored some classic match ups, Cheers v. Seinfeld, Pacino v. DeNiro and Tubbs v. Rothchild. Well now it time for me to answer the ultimate match up: Slater v. Saunders
I am a huge fan of both Saved by the Bell and Beverly Hills 90210. I, like I'm sure all of you, have often wondered who the better sidekick was, Slater or Sanders. Well I'm here to answer the question once and for all with the sidekick decathlon. It consists of 10 events; Athletics, Competing for women, Style, Car, Ability to carry storyline, loyalty to star, unintentional comedy (nod to Simmons, since I don't want to steal Simmons ideas like the guy that ripped off his Ewing Theory and called it the Tee Martin Principal), curly mullets, success with Tiffani-Amber Thiessen, and Special Skills. The judges are me and Bruce Jenner. Our decisions are not up for debate. Without further ado, let's get to it.

Athletics:
Slater: Slater was all conference in football, basketball and wrestling. Even competing in basketball and wrestling at the same time in the amazing episode where Zack tears his ACL. Slater had multiple offers for football and wrestling scholarships, survived detention to lead Bayside to a win over Valley and was the inspiration for me creating the greatest video game quarterback of all time on Madden 98. There is also evidence of Slater being an exceptional beach athlete as evidenced by the amazing Malibu Sands episodes. His only downfall being losing the obstacle course to Lisa Turtle in the members v. staff games.

Sanders: We never really see Steve participating in team sports, but he is an ace at beach volleyball. He is also shown to be a great flag football quarterback and golfer. His downfall is that his dad yells at him during the flag football game as his fraternity is falling behind (even with Brandon performing like the Wes Welker of Frat flag football). His dad also hurt Steve's chances by using juiced golf balls in their match with Barry Bonds. (I haven't thought about that in years; the irony of Bonds complaining about his opponent juicing).

Decision: Big advantage Slater.

Competing for Women:

Slater: Zack and Slater started as romantic rivals for Kelly Kapowski, who was every teen boys dream. Slater proved to be a noble opponent and stole a few moments with Kelly. Slater also a solid opponent at other points in the series, as evidenced by this. Slater proves worthy, but no match for Morris, which is what you want for a sidekick.

Sanders: Sanders and Brandon also competed for a Kelly, Kelly Taylor. She was Sanders first love, eventually stolen by Brando, which lead to some amazing acting from Sanders. After that, Sanders took the backseat to Brando and life was smooth.

Decision: Wash

Dress

Slater: Slater was always wearing tank tops, work out pants and colored jeans. All very solid, here, here and here.

Sanders: Steve was able to pull off an amazing combination of buttoned up silk shirts and strange pants. He also rocked some amazing hats and swim trunks. Seen here, here and here

Decision: Sanders

Car

Slater: We never really see Slater drive, except when he drives the weird drivers ed vehicle in the hallway.

Sanders: One of the first appearances of Sanders is him in his Vette. Classic California car for the classic beach guy.

Decision: Big Advantage Sanders.

Ability to carry Storyline

Slater: Most of Slater's best moments involved his athletic prowess. There was the dramatic episode where he thought he was moving to Hawaii and shared some nice moments with his father.

Sanders: Most of Sanders episodes involved his various misdeeds, either at school or running afoul of the law. He had the amazing ability to well up with tears for no particular reason, which was always wonderful.

Decision: Slight Advantage Sanders.

Loyalty to star

Slater: As shown above, Slater and Zack had their moments. In the end, Slater turns out to be his best friend, willing accomplice and buddy for life. Even though Zack always referred to Screech as his best friend, which was a terrible mistake. But there is this.

Sanders: Sanders and Brandon never came to blows, as far as I remember, and I am in no mood to look it up right now. The tensest moment between the two centered around Kelly, but Sanders eventually relented. They became so tight that they went on a cross country road trip to the Atlanta Olympics after Brando's tough break up with Susan, despite wanting to stay with his girl Claire. Now that is a buddy.

Decision: Wash

Unintentional Comedy

Slater: Most of Slater's comedy is derived from his hair and wardrobe. All of it is hilarious and amazing. But Slater's true gift was his terrible acting, calling Zack "Preppie" and his girlfriend "Mama." My favorite Slater line was when Jessie made some comment about what was in a women's genes, and Slater responded, "And I like the way you look in those jeans." And just because he dated Jessie, there is this!

Sanders: Sanders crying, trying to be serious and act upset always cracked me up. He was an underrated comedic genius, who always had a great line or reaction. And just since Slater got a video, here is one of his buddies musical performances.

Decision: Slight edge Slater.

Mullet

Slater: Dark curly mullet.

Sanders: Blond curly mullet.

Decision: Wash

Success with TAT

Slater: When he was competing for TAT, she looked like this.

Sanders: And when Sanders was competing for TAT, she looked like this. And I am pretty sure TAT wasn't on the "go team" during the Saved by the Bell years, but clearly was during the 90210 era.

Decision: Sanders, even though TAT cheated on him with Dylan and stole his club.

Special Skills

Slater: Amazing dancer, amazing drummer and provided the kick ass percussion for the Zack Attack. And I totally forgot that Slater was even responsible for creating his own verb, "Slaterinig a chair" for his penchant for always turning his chair backwards to sit, like a badass. And I swear on my life that last night after picking up our dinner in the shopping center where I had my unfortunate haircut, Blondie was sitting Slater style in a chair in the front window. I am not clever enough to make that up. I almost crashed the car I was so distracted.

Sanders: Shrewd businessman, budding con artist and pretty good dancer.

Decision: Both appeared on Dancing with the Stars, where Slater faired better. But the combination of Slater's dancing and musical ability is the trump card. Advantage Slater.

In the end, it is a close race, but Bruce and I have sided with Slater.

What do you all think? Agree or disagree? Take to the comments and let me know.