Weird Week in Carolla

Enough with the t-shirt silliness, it's time for more Ace talk. It has been a strange week for guests, including a representative from Ford, the founder of the Adult version of Myspace, Brad Garrett and his buddy Chris. The Ford guy was mildly interesting but felt like late night Ford infomercial. The Adult Myspace guy was pretty lame and generally a pervert. His mission is apparently to give lonely men more access to porn. Considering the lack of porn on the internet, I think he is on to something. Ace is a big fan of masturbation so he enjoyed talking to the guy. Of course Ace is also the guy that Dr. Drew says is an addictive masturbater and always refers to masturbation being the real thing. I enjoyed Brad Garrett's podcast, but I can't remember much about the episode except for Ace saying that when his internet went out for 3 hours it felt like someone was F'ing him in the A for 3 hours. He is on to something though. I only got a cell phone 5 years ago and now can't live without it. Stuff like that, phone, internet, blackberry, are impossible to live without once you've had them. Ace also unveiled his theory about his why his buddy Chris never matured. He thinks that Chris got laid too early in his life and stopped caring about things other than girls at 15. The theory is solid though. The guys I knew growing up that had early success with the ladies are generally worthless at this point.

Now Chris was amazing. Faithful readers will recall Chris as the genius behind the Brewing Story. He and Ace have great chemistry and told some great stories about growing up. It is incredible that either of them is still alive. Chris talked about smoking crack like it was the equivalent of getting a latte. I think that Jessica would actually enjoy the Chris podcast. Unfortunately for her, she has no sense of humor and can't appreciate Ace's brilliance. I'm just amazed that Ace and Chris are still alive. All of their stories involve them being insane, fighting, living in horrific conditions and cheating death.

Jessica clearly has terrible tastes in comedy since she doesn't think Ace and I are funny. She does redeem herself by enjoying the work of our friend Arthur Kade. Aside from posting amazing videos this week, Arthur has set a new low. He decided to enlighten his many "fans" of his kissing preferences. There were a couple problems. Most notably his claim that he enjoys kissing women when he is so clearly gay. Even more disturbing was his retelling of his finest kiss, which occurred with a woman he paid $400. And not spent $400 as in took her to a nice dinner and play, but as in she was a stripper and he was in the champagne room. Now, let's break this one down for a second:
1. He paid 400 bucks to make out with a stripper. I can honestly say I am not a strip club guy, but my guess is that 400 can get you more than a kiss from a runaway with daddy issues.
2. How unspeakably sad is it to have your best kiss from someone you are paying? That's a little like calling your shrink your best friend. Sure, he's listening to you and seems interested, but you are paying him $150/hour to do it. He's not really your friend.
Arthur proves himself to be a giant tool for actually believing that a stripper liked him.

I really need to add another terrible show to the poll. Jessica is now watching So You Think You Can Dance, which aside from Cat Deeley is a terrible show. In fact, as I type this there are 2 dudes ballroom dancing together. One claims he is heterosexual (highly disputed) and the other is openly gay. Is there a huge shortage of girls who want to ballroom dance? It's just creepy. It didn't work in Blades of Glory and it didn't work on the show. I don't get the "straight" guy not finding a girl partner. From what I have seen on this show, the girl dancers are great looking and it takes tons of practice which gives you quality time with a hot girl. Oh no, I might have to do a live blog of this show at some point. There was just a girl dressed up like a cat doing Stars Wars shit like George Michael. (I think that just inspired me to have my next poll be about which Bluth had the best chicken dance)

I am too distressed to write anymore. So You Think You Can Dance is killing me. But I really need to address some issues I have at the work place. We were talking movies at work and someone asked why I liked "The Wrestler." I said because it was amazing and Mickey Rouke gave an amazing performance. He said he didn't think Mickey was that good. What? That is nonsense. This is the same guy that said "My Best's Friends Girl" was hilarious. I know, he is some sort of escaped mental patient. I am going to have to tackle this in a longer post at some point and maybe even start reviewing movies.

Thanks for reading. I appreciate it more than you know. And just for my favorite Canadian, please enjoy a video featuring the one man who can challenge Kade to the doucher throne, enjoy.